A Father's Regrets
by supermandy77
Summary: Jim Beckett doesn't want his daughter to have the same regrets he has. He enlists Castle to help her understand. COMPLETE


I haven't written anything for Castle in a long time. I've learned that multi-chapter fics are not for me, since my teaching schedule doesn't make it feasible. I've been on Spring Break though, and AC was nice enough to give me a prompt with the hope that I would have it finished before I go back to school. I go back tomorrow. Mission accomplished.

* * *

Jim Beckett asking to meet Castle for coffee was bad enough. Then he said, "Don't tell Katie."

Castle likes the man well enough, it's just that he's come to associate talking with Kate's father with unpleasant discussions. In fact, they have yet to really have a _pleasant_ conversation. He doesn't have much hope for this one, either.

He spots Jim in the window of the diner where they agreed to meet, and the older man smiles and waves as Castle walks by and makes his way to the door. Castle takes a deep breath, mentally scrolling through the many possible reasons for this "meeting," and why Jim wouldn't want Kate to know about it. Whatever it is, it's not bothering Jim as he rises from the booth and shakes Castle's hand with a broad smile that is so much unlike Jim Beckett.

"Rick," Jim says in greeting. "Thanks for taking time out to meet me. I hope I'm not taking you away from anything too important."

"No," Castle tells him. "We were in interrogation earlier this morning with a suspect, but now the boys are running down some more leads. We had some down time, but I had to think up a quick lie when Kate wanted to take a break for coffee." He pauses, training his eyes on the other man. "I going to be blunt, Jim. I don't like lying to her. We almost missed our chance because of the lies we told each other, and ourselves."

"I understand." Jim nods slowly, his gaze returning to the half full cup of coffee he's gripping. "And I imagine you'll waste no time in telling her the truth tonight, and that's completely fine. I just didn't want her to freak out all afternoon knowing that you and I were sitting here talking about her."

"So this is about Kate?"

Castle's heart rate rises, his long-held suspicions that Jim doesn't approve of him being in a relationship with his daughter boiling to the surface. His writer's mind hopes that this isn't one of those 'do us all a favor and let her go' scenarios, because he knows for a fact he could never let her go. No way, not after everything he and Kate have been through just to get to this point.

"Well, yes, but really it's more about both of you."

"Oh?"

"Tell me, Rick. How long have you and Katie been together?"

Castle opens his mouth to answer, but stops himself. He knows, almost down to the minute, how long it's been since she showed up at his door almost a year ago. But really, who were they kidding? Their relationship started months, even years before then, even though it wasn't official. He's pretty sure Jim doesn't want to hear all the drama they've brought into each other's lives, despite the fact that it's the truth.

"Exactly my point, Rick," Jim laughs. "Once you find someone—The 'One,'—it's hard to remember what life was like before they came into your life."

Castle nods, and then pauses as the waitress comes to refill their coffee. He has an idea where this conversation is going, but he's not going to stop Jim from saying what he obviously feels like he needs to say.

Once the waitress is gone, Jim starts talking again.

"The last thing I want to do is assume that I know everything about your relationship. Hell, some aspects I would really like to stay in the dark about, to tell you the truth. But I think I know a thing or two about missed opportunities, and I don't want you and Katie to make the same mistake I made with…my wife."

He doesn't miss Jim's reluctance to use his wife's name. Castle doesn't blame him. He has a hard time using her name—Johanna—and he never even had the chance to meet the woman whose death played such a big role in altering the lives of so many people, Kate and Jim being at the center of that group. So many years later, her death still chafes Jim Beckett, makes him feel raw, and Castle can see in the set of the older man's eyes how difficult it is for him to even speak to him about this.

"We weren't so unlike you and Katie. We danced around each other for a long time. We were friends, and the thought of taking that last step was terrifying. I don't imagine we had the same kind of obstacles you had, though."

"Obstacles…" Castle replies, wondering if an imaginary wall qualifies as an obstacle. "You could say that."

"Well, I think it's safe to say that whatever obstacles you had, you've made it past them."

At this point, Castle feels the need to do some explaining to Jim. He knows, without Kate actually coming out and saying it, that she doesn't share too much with her father. They don't open up to each other that often. What he knows, he learns from her tone of voice, the way she ducks her head and smiles when she's happy, as if it's a secret she doesn't want to share with the world. Castle has suspected that much, but Jim has in a roundabout way confirmed it for him.

"It's not…I mean, we're not perfect. We still argue. I get on her nerves, and she still internalizes way too much."

"But I've also never seen her happier, Rick."

Castle nods silently and swirls the remaining coffee in his cup. The real reason Jim asked him here today is coming, and Castle isn't so sure he's ready to hear it. Mostly, it's because he's going to tell Kate about it tonight, and he's _definitely_ fearful of that conversation.

"Johanna and I…" Jim starts, his breath hitching over the use of his wife's name, "we were both very career-driven people, much like you and Katie. I remember, after one particularly bad argument, realizing I was a total jack ass for ruining the only night neither one of us hadn't worked late in the last two weeks. The worst part is that I don't even remember why we were arguing. We didn't speak for two days. The first words she spoke to me were to tell me she was pregnant."

"Sir, I—" Castle starts, unsure now what exactly Jim is trying to say. Maybe he was wrong in thinking he knew.

Jim chuckles and shakes his head. "Sorry, Rick. I don't think I'm doing a very good job telling the story. I guess that's why you get paid the big money, huh?"

"Sir, I…I think I know what you're trying to say, but I really would like to hear it in your own words. Whatever you need to say, however long it takes you to get your point across, I'm here to listen." And it's the honest to God truth. He loves to hear the stories, and is especially interested in any story that has to do with Kate.

"Katie told me about the surprise she planned for your birthday. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, by the way." The waitress walks by, and Jim pauses to motion for her to fill his cup. "I think it was the first time I realized how _committed_ she is to your relationship. I don't recall her ever going to those lengths for a boyfriend."

"No one has ever gone to those lengths for me before. I guess that's what makes it so special, for both of us."

Quiet descends between them, a confirmation of just how monumental Kate's grand birthday gesture was for them. Castle waits Jim out, watches as the older man's fingers trace to lines of his coffee cup.

"Katie wasn't supposed to be an only child," Jim says, and Castle's eyes snap to attention. This is new. He wouldn't be surprised if Kate didn't even know this piece of information. "Every couple, when they talk about having kids, inevitably discusses the _number_ of kids they want. Being lawyers, we were constantly bargaining and compromising that number. But one thing we always agreed on was that we wanted more than one.

"We were 28 when Katie was born. And I remember us having a discussion that we would wait a couple years, get used to this parenting thing, then try for another. Before we knew it, Katie was a teenager and we were in our 40s. And every time when Katie asked for a little brother or sister, which was often, we would come up with an excuse as to why it wasn't the right time. Those reasons were always work-related."

"Jim, are you trying to tell me you want to be a grandpa? Because if that's the case I know why you didn't want me to tell Kate," Castle says, fidgeting in his seat.

"I wouldn't put it that way," Jim says, his hand coming off of his coffee cup and waving in Castle's direction in an effort to calm him. "Though, I can't say I would be opposed."

"Sir," Castle almost sighs, his hands rubbing down his face. "I can honestly say this is one conversation I never thought I would be having with you. I feel like you're giving me permission to get your daughter pregnant, and we're not even married."

The words sound cruder coming out of his mouth than they did in his head, and Castle realizes he probably shouldn't be talking in such a way if he ever wants the chance to marry Kate. If he keeps this up, he's going to end up saying something that will make Jim question how good Castle is for his daughter.

"Let me put it this way, Rick. Johanna's job, up until that last case she took, was considered safe. She spent most of her time crouched over law books and putting together evidence. Kate—and you as well—has a much more dangerous job. She carries a gun because it's a necessity."

"You want us to have a baby because Kate's job is dangerous? That doesn't make sense."

Jim shakes his head and tries to hold in the laugh. "I think I'm starting to understand how Katie can get so frustrated with you."

Castle shrugs and looks down into his now empty coffee cup, certain that he's about to ruin his relationship with Kate's father. _Shut your mouth, Castle, _he thinks, in a voice that sounds suspiciously like Kate's.

"If you'd kindly let me finish, what I'm trying to tell you is that you shouldn't waste away your lives. Getting married, having kids—if that's what _the two of you_ want—don't waste your time. Johanna and I thought we had all the time in the world." Jim gets quiet, swirls the remains of his coffee around in his cup, and continues with his plea. "I look at you and Katie, Rick, and I see how happy you are together, and it warms my heart. For so long, I wanted nothing more than to have a daughter who was able to look past the tragedy in her life and find some happiness. And you gave that to her, Rick. I'll forever be grateful."

The enormity of Jim's sentiments make Castle's heart swell, and it isn't lost on him that Jim hopes the same thing doesn't happen to Castle and Kate that happened to Jim and his wife. He had a point, Jim did. Lawyer is a safe profession, so long as you don't piss anyone off like Johanna did. Or at least, she rattled some cages. He is sure that Kate has plenty of enemies, criminals she's put behind bars. Hell, he's sure he's probably made some in the time he's been working with Kate at the precinct.

"Shouldn't you be convincing us _not _to have kids, considering the nature of the work we do?"

"You're missing the point. I don't want you to think you _can't_ for that very same reason. I know Katie's thought about it for a long time, if she could be a mother because of her profession. Five years ago, I think I can confidently say her answer would have been an emphatic 'no.' But now, with you, I think she's more likely to entertain the notion."

"She could also freak out at the idea."

Kate running away was a very real fear to Castle. Where they were right now was good. They were happy and enjoying each other. If he mentions marriage and, God forbid, kids to her, he can't guarantee she won't freak out like the Kate Beckett he once knew. But then again…

"She loves you, Rick."

Jim's words bring Castle out of his inner musings, and his head snaps up to meet the older man's eyes once again.

"I love her, too, Jim. So much."

"I know you do." Jim stands, drops a twenty dollar bill on the table, and waits for Castle to join him. "I don't want you pressure you. I just don't want either one of you to live with any more regrets than you already have."

They shake hands and walk together to the door before they say their goodbyes and head opposite directions.

He has yet to tell Kate about his conversation with her father. He wants to, but he doesn't exactly know how to broach the subject. Does he tell her they talked first, or ask the questions Jim Beckett brought to the forefront of his mind first? He doesn't know.

Kate knows something is weighing on his mind. He knows that she knows something is up. He hasn't been very talkative all night. They picked up Italian food on the way to the loft from the precinct and ate a meal accompanied by talk about their current case.

At some point while they cleaned up their mess, Kate tried to insert a bogus piece of information into their conversation. Because he was still thinking about Jim's words earlier in the day, it took him longer than usual to notice. Kate leered at him, but just handed him a glass of wine as he turned on the television.

She doesn't mention his unusual silence until he's standing in front of the bathroom sink as they get ready for bed. She steps in behind him, wraps her hands around his waist, and finds his eyes in the mirror.

"You've been quiet tonight."

She says no more, at least not vocally. Her eyes bore into his by way of the mirror, and he's sure she can hear his heartbeat accelerate. And before he can stop it, his mouth is starting the conversation without consent of his brain.

"Do you want to get married?"

To her credit, she doesn't run. She also doesn't break their eye contact. Her only reaction is the tightening of her arms around his waist.

"I mean," he says, trying to clarify his question, "I'm not asking—unless you want me to. I guess I'm asking in more general terms. Do you, at some point in the future, see yourself being married?"

"Is this what has had you worked up all night?" Kate finally stands, removing her arms from his waist and turning to look him in the eye without the lens of the mirror. "Castle, what's on your mind?"

The admission that this was all brought about by _her father_ will come, he's certain of it. But he wants to know, and he wants to make sure that she doesn't hide behind the excuse of her father meddling in her love life.

"I've just been thinking about where we're headed, I guess. We've almost been together for a year, and when I look at these past twelve months, I can't think of a time I've ever been happier."

"The feeling's mutual, Castle," Kate responds, her hand cupping his jaw and long fingers brushing his ear lobe in a practiced motion. "Come here." She takes his hand and leads his out of the bathroom, but Castle resists.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm not about to have this conversation in the bathroom, Castle. Let's get settled in bed and you can tell me everything that's been on your mind."

They get settled quickly, and Kate nuzzles close to Castle and rests her head on his chest as he lies on his back.

"Do you ever think about it," Castle starts, almost the moment her hand wraps around his torso. "Getting married? To me, even?"

"Don't let this go to your head, Castle, but I've thought about it quite a bit. And when I _do_ think about it, you're the one waiting for me at the end of the aisle." She turns her head, looks at him, and smiles. "What about you? Two failed marriages hasn't put you off forever, has it?"

"You've seen my bucket list. I got to cross off number one. I'd love for you to help me cross off number fifty."

Kate hums softly, her arms tightening around him at his admission. He leaves everything else for a moment, enjoying the knowledge that Kate Beckett wants to marry him.

"There's something else I need to tell you," he says after too long, not wanting to wait too long in case she falls asleep. She hums in question, and he starts in on what is bound to be the difficult part of this discussion. "I, uh…had coffee with your dad today. He has some strong opinions of his own about our relationship. We have his permission to get married and have kids, by the way. He didn't specify the order, though."

As nonchalant as Castle tries to make it sound, the statement causes Kate to sit up and stare down at Castle. "Wait a second. You had coffee with my father, and he told you we should get married and have kids? I can't believe the audacity of that man," she exclaims, her legs threatening to move her from the bed when Castle leans over and wraps his arms around her to keep her from leaving.

"He wasn't trying to intrude. It sounded that way at first, but he wants us to be happy. And he doesn't want us to have any regrets, like he had with your mother."

"They had—"

"Did you know you weren't supposed to be an only child? They wanted at least one more, but life kept getting in the way. Jim said he hated having to make excuses to you when you were younger."

"I didn't know that," Kate almost whispers, her body relaxing into Castle's.

"It's not exactly the kind of conversation you want to have with your children. Trust me, I know."

"Alexis? Has she ever said anything to you?"

"She asked a few times right after I got married to Gina, but her requests didn't last long. Just like our marriage. But, I overheard her say something to Mother a few days ago. It was the first time I've heard her express a desire for a sibling since she was 10."

"Wow," Kate said, her voice barely audible. "I think I'm a little blown away right now."

"Hey," Castle whispered as he gathered her in close to his body. "No pressure. From your dad's perspective, he just wanted to make sure that we don't decide _not_ to have children because of your job. And he knows you, Kate. Do you think you would have been able to have that conversation with him without blushing purple?"

"God, no."

"My thoughts exactly." He pauses to give her a moment, but knows he _has to ask_, since he knows he won't get a wink of sleep until he knows for sure. "So do you? Want kids?"

"I don't know. I've never allowed myself to think about the possibility too much. I don't even know if I would be a good mother."

"I think you would be an amazing mother."

"How can you be so sure?"

"That kidnapping case we worked with Will, that first year I shadowed you. When we found Angela, you went straight to her, not to the sister. You saw a little girl who was missing her parents and you wanted to make her feel safe. That, right there, tells me all I need to know."

"So where does that leave us?"

"We don't have to decide anything tonight, Kate, on either issue. But I think the point your dad was trying to make is that we don't wait too long to make a decision. I tend to agree with him."

"If I was to, say, give you permission to start planning a proposal, would that be enough for tonight?"

Castle's eyes go wide. He looks for any sign of joking on her part, but he only sees sincerity on her face, in her eyes. He kisses her and tightens his hold around her waist as her fingers card through his hair. He doesn't linger long, instead deciding to smile down her broadly.

"I think that's more than enough." He kisses her again, this time resting his forehead against hers. "I love you."

"Love you, too, Castle." After another brief peck of his lips, she turns in his arms so her back is against his chest. "Now, let's sleep. I need my rest if I'm going to yell at my dad tomorrow."

And he does. He sleeps. Even more, he sleeps with a smile. Because Kate Beckett essentially just agreed to marry him. He has to remember to get Jim Beckett season tickets to the Yankees.


End file.
